It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
