Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
