i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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