im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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