Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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