wanna go halves on a baby?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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