so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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