Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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