i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
