yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
