i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
