So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
