You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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