Kiss
Puke
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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