remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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