I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Say something about gay babies.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i came on her dog
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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