Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like, not good at living.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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