i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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