you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
