He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
