She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
