i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
