Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
