My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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