My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
