Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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