I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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