The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
