Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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