walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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