I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
