I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
