Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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