My underwear smells like fireworks.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
