WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
