I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
