I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
