We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
