just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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