i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
