she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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