i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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