Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
