So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
