I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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