my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A+ Viking dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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