I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
