I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
