I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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