I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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