I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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