I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I met the friendliest cop last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want to make out with him forever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
