ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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