It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
50% drunk capacity currently
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
