I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
