Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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