I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
