I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
