Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
