He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
