so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
