I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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