Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
