YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
