Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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