Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
