Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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