this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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