I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
