God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
