I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
